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Think Twice! Relationship Abuse Prevention and Recovery Counselling and Programs for Couples and Individuals Experiencing Conflict and Abuse in Their Relationships
Toni McLean & Associates Mittagong and Bowral NSW info@thinktwiceprogram.net 0409 599 887 |
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What do you risk losing if you don’t take action now? |
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SERVICES
Individual Counselling
Couple Counselling
Groups for Men
Groups for Women
FOR MORE SERVICES FOR:
INDIVIDUALS
COUPLES
ORGANISATIONS
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Frequently Asked Questions
What is normal relationship conflict? In normal relationship conflict, partners are not usually working to undermine or control the other. Both partners usually feel they are able to say “no” to the other partner without feeling controlled or even threatened in some way. Both partners feel they can hold their ground and, overall, they have equal say in relationship decisions. Neither partner will use physical force or behaviour of any kind to get their own way.
What is abusive behaviour in a relationship? Abusive behaviour is: · any persistent, repetitive behaviour which serves to make one partner feel disrespected or threatened in their relationship · any controlling behaviour which serves to keep the other partner compliant and powerless in the relationship. It comes in a variety of forms: verbal, emotional, psychological, financial, social, spiritual, physical, and sexual …more
How is it different from “normal” relationship conflict? In relationship conflict which is not normal, one partner is unable to say no to the other, and they feel as though they do not have equal space in the relationship. Controlling or abusive relationships often have a cycle of control or abusive behaviour which escalates over time, and it may reach the point of being physical.
Early intervention in the form of the services offered by “Think Twice!” can short circuit this cycle and set the relationship on a different path.
Are all abusive relationships the same? No. In some conflictual relationships abuse or violence occurs as a result of angry conflict in which one or both partners does not sufficient impulse or behavioural control to stop themselves from being violent. It may also be directly linked to certain situations. This is called “expressive” or “situational” violence.
In other conflictual relationships violence, or the threat of violence, is used to gain and maintain pervasive control over the other partner. This is referred to as “instrumental” violence, which is used for the purpose of controlling most aspects of the other partner’s life.
In assessing an intimate relationship with regard to violence or abuse, it is important to clarify if there are any “power and control” dynamics in the relationship in order to distinguish between “situational” or “expressive” violence or abuse, which is not intended to control the other partner, and ‘instrumental’ violence or abuse, which is used to control the other partner. In the latter situation, there may actually be little or no current physical violence.
What is the impact of abusive conflict on families? The impact on families can be enormous. Regardless of the nature of abusive conflict, the non-abusing partner may suffer various physical, emotional or psychological illnesses, and even death in extreme situations. Seventy or more people die each year in New South Wales alone as a result of relationship violence. About 80% of the victims are women. Most murders are not premeditated, but are preceded by a gradually escalating cycle of violence, which did not necessarily begin with physical violence.
Children who have witnessed abuse or violence at home may exhibit a range of symptoms including symptoms consistent with or associated with post-traumatic stress, eg anxiety, depression, bedwetting, nightmares, flashbacks, violent outbursts, poor sleep, poor appetite, inability to concentrate. Some of these children go on to abuse alcohol or other drugs or to be in abusive relationships as adults, either as victims or as abusers.
What services do we offer to help people in high conflict or abusive relationships? “Think Twice” offers a structured program for relationships that have experienced any form of violence, with elements selected as appropriate from the following: · individual counselling for both men and women who are abusing in their relationships · more traditional couple counselling, where appropriate, with attention paid to the dynamics which support violence, or · a structured couple program, where appropriate, after careful assessment of the nature of the violence in the relationship · a group program for men who are abusing in their relationships · a group program for women who are abusing in their relationships · individual counselling where indicated, to address past trauma or associated current conditions, such as anxiety, depression or self-harming.
Are women abusive too? There certainly are relationships where women have controlling or abusive ways of behaving, and also relationships where these behaviours are mutual. There is much debate about the relative percentages of men and women who are violent in relationships, but the following points are generally agreed upon: · that at least 50% and probably more of violent partners are men · that injuries caused by women who are violent are less serious than those caused by men · that, if the couple separates, women usually stop their violence whereas men are more likely to continue or even increase their violence · that many more women are killed by their partners or ex-partners than men. Frequently, when women are abusive, the reasons for the abusive behaviours, the relationship dynamics, and the outcomes are usually quite different.
So why have separate groups for men and women? Groups are separate because the causes, contributing factors and relationship dynamics are usually very different between women and men who are abusing in their relationships. This means that mixed groups are not as relevant or effective for all participants as separate groups for men and women.
I’ve heard that some professionals believe couples counselling is not appropriate for relationships where there is violence. Why do you offer this? Traditionally in this area the only response to violence in relationships was to offer support, counselling and groups for victims and group programs for those who were abusing. Victim services were directed towards women and abuser programs were directed towards men.
Best practice now recognises that at least a significant minority of victims are men, a significant minority of abusing partners are women, and in some cases there is mutual violence. As well, not all violence is due to one partner wanting to dominate and control the other, as has been traditionally believed. The integrated approach offered by “Think Twice!” recognises and accommodates this broader perspective. In addition, working only with the offending person does not recognise any entrenched behaviour by the other partner which is contributing to the relationship dynamics. While this behaviour is not considered to be a legitimate cause for violence, it is in the interest of both partners to address any behaviours that are not conducive to having a strong, supportive, respectful relationship. Working with both partners, frequently in different ways, also helps to integrate the work done with the offending person into the relationship. Careful structuring of individual and couple sessions, and also group programs, as appropriate, facilitates the best possible outcome for the couple. |
AREAS OF SPECIALITY
Relationships Abuse Violence Depression Anxiety Trauma Self-harming Personality Type
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Think Twice! Relationship Abuse Prevention and Recovery Counselling and Programs for Couples and Individuals Experiencing Conflict and Abuse in Their Relationships
Toni McLean & Associates Mittagong and Bowral NSW info@thinktwiceprogram.net 0409 599 887 |
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